… A Cult Classic

This is one of those silly potted personality tests that I love.

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy – your life appeals to a select few.
But if someone’s obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky.

Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowsk

mmmm….no surprises there me thinks.

I love these potted personality tests. The more obscure the better. They probably tell you nothing about me, other than I love doing obscure, pointless personality tests. Perhaps a hint of narcissism.

This test probes what kind of nerd you are. I’m a Uber Cool High Nerd, which sounds impressive, even of I say so myself.

Some fun facts from the site:

443545 unique people have taken this test.

Based on these unique user’s answers…

29.8% of test takers are gals, 68.4% are guys.

15.5% of test takers get aroused by “iPhone,” while 36.9% get utterly ill.

32.2% of all test takers would choose the Internet over sex, and 26.6% of married test takers prefer the Internet over sex.

Only 4.5% of test takers own a Jar Jar Binks t-shirt, though 49.7% of them don’t own a lightsaber (priorities == messed up).

This test is unreliable. The question ‘guy or girl?’ has two answers. The results above show 29.8% of test takers are gals, 68.4% are guys. This only adds up to 98.2%.

But maybe only a Uber Cool High Nerd would notice such a discrepancy.

The Apollo moon landings fired my imagination. I was a space junkie by seven. Christmas excitement paled besides the first moon landing.

I was asleep when it happened, too young to stay up to watch. My mum woke me in the morning, “The Eagle has landed” she said. I rushed down to watch talking heads on TV.

School was strange that day. In the excitement, I had forgotten to put any underpants on.

It’s now 40 years since Apollo 11. We never travelled further. Of all the predictions made in 1969, that’s probably the only one that was not suggested.

Up to this point I had avoided punk on the principle that if my sister liked it then I didn’t. My sister had been hard core from early on.

My sister was then a hair dresser working in London. She was well into all the hair-styles that punks were experimenting with. Once on her way to a gig in London, a bus driver wouldn’t let her on the bus because she had green hair.

Thirty years on and punk style is almost main stream. But, back in 70s, it was an anti-establishment social movement. The music was only a small part of it. A joke at the expense of the BBC and the music industry.

My mum bought my sister No More Heroes by the Stranglers as a present. But she didn’t want it. Apparently they weren’t, “True Punk.” So she gave it to me.

After listening to No More I understood what all the fuss was about. It was completely different to anything else playing on Radio1 at the time.

Later on, I saw The Stranglers a couple of times live, including Reading festival around 86. I still love the clacky bass and pipe organ sound.

This track is from Rattus Novergicus. Their best album I think. It takes me back to being a student in London, and spending a lot of my summers Hanging Around.

I like this video, it captures the completely non-professionals mood of early punk.

7 THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Make sense of my life
2. Visit Antarctica
3. See a Super Bowl
4. Survive an Oktoberfest
5. Learn a foreign language
6. Marry Avril
7. Dance with the Devil in the Pale Moon Light (again)

7 THINGS I CANNOT DO
1. Say “Hard luck Arsenal, you should have won”
2. Give a shit about Big Brother
3. Watch Horror DVD’s without taking several breaks
4. Go home when the pubs are still open
5. Believe a government minister
6. Stand cold feet
7. Say “No, no it’s my round, put your money away.”

7 THINGS THAT ATTRACT ME TO LONDON
1. Friends
2. Stanford Bridge
3. Gigs
4. The Electric Ballroom
5. Airports
6. The Tate
7. Demos

7 THINGS I OFTEN SAY
1. It seemed like a good idea at the time
2. Join the queue
3. Why have you not visited my blog yet?
4. Same shit, different day
5. Nothing on TV tonight
6. Spring will soon be here
7. It could be worse – apparently

7 BOOKS THAT I LOVE
1. Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
2. The Hitch Hikers Guide – Douglas Adams
3. The Lord of The Rings – Tolkien
4. Moving Pictures – Terry Pratchett
5. Dune – Frank Herbert
6. The Iliad – Homer
7. Count Zero – William Gibson

7 MOVIES I WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
0. The Matrix
1. Aliens
2. Apocalypse Now
3. Blade Runner
4. Easy Rider
5. Beverly Hills Cop
6. The Blues Brothers
7. Waterloo

7 PEOPLE I WANT TO JOIN IN TOO
I don’t know 7 people

At first I thought they might be hiding behind the lampposts. An idea which my mother found very amusing. Eventually I had to admit that I could not see any. Maybe it was the feeling of safety that having my mother around induced. Or maybe it was the self evident lack of monsters that did it. Either way I soon forgot about the monsters and went back to sleep.

As I grew up I learnt that along with Father Christmas and the tooth fairy, monsters did not exist. I learnt that fear of them was for babies, and not something that big boys indulged in.

As I grew into my teens I learnt that whilst fear is a good thing for self preservation, it is a strong instinct we inherited from our animal ancestors. As rational beings we can control our fear and not allow it to control us. I was taught that well balanced adults examine their fears to see if they are rational or not, and act accordingly.

As my life experience grew I began to put together a theory of people. I decided that those who try to rule by fear, the playground bullies, and pub thugs are often themselves ruled by fear. And if you cease to be afraid of them, like my childhood monsters they cease to be a problem.

I learnt that the most common fear people have is the fear of the unknown. Be it an unknown future or a stranger. I noticed how unscrupulous people manipulate these fears in order to give themselves power.

Through the study of history I learnt of The Enlightenment. Of the time when great minds turned their back on superstition and fear and started to use science to create rational explanations for the physical world. How political theories began to develop based on reason and not fear. How the idea of the “Universal Rights of Man” came into existence.

History also taught me that there are monsters in this world after all. I learnt that these monsters look a lot like me, and so are not always easy to spot. But often they thrive on, and encourage fear and ignorance. They empower and are empowered by bigotry. They despise The Enlightenment and it’s fruits.

Modern western leaders can be split into two broad categories. The ones that use visions and dreams to lead their people away from fear towards justice and liberty, and the ones that empower fear and ignorance to lead their people back into the dark.

Hence Martin Luther King, Jr:

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.

Or JFK:

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

Compare these to Tony Blair’s launch speech of his Respect Action Plan.

My view is very clear: their freedom to be safe from fear has to come first.

I wonder what Blair says to his kids when one of them complains about monsters outside the bedroom window. Something like:

As no one can prove there are no monsters behind the lampposts I will have all them all removed. If anyone complains that we are now living in the dark I will make it very clear your freedom to be safe from fear has to come first.

Don’t worry about the monsters, Daddy is here, Daddy will always be here.